


The Mysterious Man Clogging My Shower Drain

by bumbleflight



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Crack, M/M, its just crack i-
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24902284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumbleflight/pseuds/bumbleflight
Summary: “What are you, a band?” I mean it as a joke, but the five of them nod.“We’re My Chemical Romance.” They say in unison, like those alien dolls from Toy Story.That’s my favorite band. Oh s***.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Mysterious Man Clogging My Shower Drain

CHAPTER ONE

BEEP BEEP BEEP

My alarm clock is obnoxiously loud, awaking me with it’s horrible noises. I fumble around for a moment, before managing to slam it off and bang my head. The ceiling is very low. I live in a cupboard under the stairs.

“Maxine!” My abusive mother calls, and I swing open the door. I’m still in my pajamas, but she’s in a dress. “Get out here right now.”

“Why?” I ask, because I’m sarcastic and rude. I am also goth, and have thick black lipstick that I woke up in. Ugh, emo problems.

“Because I’ve sold you.” She remarks snottily, flipping her boa over her shoulder.

“To _who_?” I gape, picking up my pet fennec fox, Billie Joe Armstrong. He is purple, because I dyed his fur that color. He is also very rare, just like my pet snake, Billie Eilish. She is blue, because it was either that or pink, and I hate pink.

“A group of men,” My mother tells me, which is actually kind of upsetting because that kind of sounds like sex trafficking. While she’s abusive and I wouldn’t put sex trafficking past her, it’s still mean.

“Well, guess what?” As you know, I’m SUPER sarcastic. “I don’t want to live her anyway.” I pick up Billie Joe Armstrong and Billie Eilish (she’s in her terrarium but I’m very strong and can carry it). “I’m all ready to go.”

“Nooooo,” My mother sobs, suddenly sad. “Don’t go, Maxine. I regret selling you.”

“TOO F***ING BAD!” I shout angrily. I don’t need her, anyway. I storm outside to see a group of men waiting for me. They are clad in bulletproof vests, bandanas, and ties, and I gulp nervously.

Mom, what have you gotten me into?

CHAPTER TWO

“Skiddy doe what’s up,” The guy in the front smiles at me warmly. “My name’s Gerard Way.”

“Wow, you’re ugly.” I retort, rolling my eyes. He’s not ugly, really. But I like to be mean. “This is my snake and this is my fennec fox and if you even THINK about telling me not to bring them I will scream KIDNAPPER and you will get arrested.”

“Please don’t do that.” Another man speaks up, pushing his glasses up his nose. “We’re very kind, I promise.” He’s really sexy, and has a good jaw line. HOT BOY ALERT.

“What are you, a band?” I mean it as a joke, but the five of them nod.

“We’re My Chemical Romance.” They say in unison, like those alien dolls from Toy Story.

That’s my favorite band. Oh s***. 

CHAPTER THREE

“No WAY!” I scream, loud enough to shatter glass. Actually, I think I just heard Mikey’s glasses break. “Your music is SO GOOD.”

“Thank you,” Frank winks at me, his eyelashes covered in eyeliner. I think there’s foundation in his brows, too. “You’re very beautiful.”

“Shut up,” I tell him, even though my heart is pounding louder than my neighbors having sex. “I’m fifteen so don’t you even THINK about trying to hit on me. Look AWAY.”

“I’m sixteen,” Frank tells me, and my jaw drops. NO WAY. The world’s best guitarist is only SIXTEEN? And legally old enough to DATE ME? I bat my eyes, and stick out my fat butt.

“Fuck you, I’m forty-seven.” Bob sighs, and I throw my pet snake at him. I go back to pick it up, but the two are indistinguishable. The band decides to leave the twins writhing on the ground as we get in the car. RIP snakes.

“Where are we going?” I ask, and Gerard turns around, pulling down his sunglasses and flashing me a smile.

“We goin’ SHOPPING, biotch.” He tells me, and I squeal.

“Okay, but it HAS TO BE HOT TOPIC.” I insist, the band agrees. We get pulled over twice, once by a fan, and once by a cop who was a fan. We shat on the cop, but it was okay, cause we’re an emo band. ACAB, fucker.

“HOLY ******** ARE YOU GUYS MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE,” Jake Paul is there as I open the door to the mall.

“No.” I tell him. “They are, but I’m not in the band.”

“You are now,” Gerard tells me, and Frank pulls me in for a kiss. It’s magical. I’m in MCR, in more ways than one. ;p

CHAPTER FOUR

“That’ll be four-hundred and twenty dollars, and sixty-nine cents.” The cashier at Hot Topic tells me, after getting the band’s autograph (and mine cos I’m in the band).

“PERFECT NUMBER!” Frank high fives me. I think he’s suggesting something for later . . .

“Fucking BITCH!” My mom jumps out of a clothing rack, grabbing me by the tiddies. “WE are going home, NOW!!!!”

“NOT MY TIDDIES!!” I scream, and suddenly Frank is there, taking my mom’s hands in his own and breaking them.

“NO ONE TOUCHES MY GIRLFRIEND BUT ME!” He bellows, and my mom screams and run away. I make out with Frank, even though he tastes angry. Our tongues battle for dominance and mine wins cause it’s like four feet long, duh. He has super pretty glowing brown orbs for eyes and I stare into them as our tongues twirl around each other. Around and around . . . like a globe of earth.

“UH, can you guys NOT?” Ray asks, but I think he’s jealous and we suck Frank’s dick.

“Thanks, baby, that was really good.” Frank tells me, and I kiss him again.

“We are going HOME,” Gerard tells me, and for a moment I think he means my mom’s house. But then he grabs a coffin and turns into a bat, and I know he means the MCR cave.

Oh no, here we go. Into the cave we wander…

CHAPTER FIVE

“Now, Maxine, you know there’s no gender allowed in this cave, right?” Gerard asks, taking my hand.

I grab onto Frank, fearfully gazing into his hazel orbs. “Frank, does that mean I’ll be a boy when we go inside?”

“No? Are you stupid?” Frank asks me. “Gerard literally just fucking said there’s no gender in the cave.”

“I HATE YOU!” I scream, and die.

CHAPTER SIX

I wake up in the cave. I am no longer a girl, but a woman.

“Frank?” I cry out. Everything is dark. I have wings, but cannot fly. Blood is dripping down my chin. Chains swallow my neck whole. Fleas jump on my pubes.

“Darling, Maxine?” A hoarse voice asks. I see a giant rat speaking, and scream in fear.

The rat twists his hands, crouching next to me. His tail looks like a giant, hairless penis. “Don’t be afraid, Maxie. It’s me, Frank.”

“DON’T CALL ME MAXIE!” I punch him in the face. “My mom used to call me Maxi-Pad and it still HURTS MY FEELINGS.”

“FUCK IM SORRY” Frank screams back even louder. “MY MOM USED TO CALL ME ‘THE ONE TIME SHE FORGOT TO TAKE FUCKING BIRTH CONTROL’ IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER. fuCK@!!”

Suddenly, I give birth to twins.

“I wasn’t pregnant,” I gasp, looking down at my babies (one’s on each tiddy).

“Yes you were,” Frank reminds me. “When were at Hot Topic and you…”

“OHHHH,” I say. Yeah, I shouldn’t have swallowed cause now I’ve got too many kids. F***** *** ****** ******.

“Goodbye, Maxine,” Frank eats my children and leaves.

I cry in the dark, before eating my own shit.

**Author's Note:**

> I DONT KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS I AFDSAFASDFNAKJGFDJG


End file.
